Dec. E-News: Boundaries, Food Addiction, & More
Welcome to my Janet Frank Coaching December e-newsletter. Hoping you’re finding some peace and balance in the season.
What do you need in this time? In continuation of the post about boundaries from last month’s post, may I offer a gentle reminder? Boundaries are about what you do and what you don’t, and what you will and what you won’t. They have nothing to do with other people. We don’t have control over that.
Health coaching can help you get in touch with your own values – what’s REALLY important to you, and coaching can help you figure out the best strategies to stick to them. A boundary isn’t, “You need to stop baking Christmas cookies and shoving them in my face.” A boundary is more like, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness, and they look delicious. But I’ve set some important health goals for myself, and cookies are not part of the plan for this year. Thank you for respecting that.”
There’s a neat little twist in the above boundary and it has to do with the use of “thank you.” It’s in place of “I’m sorry.”
Say you’ve got to visit two households on the same day. It happens in the holidays, right!? You’ve made the best schedule you possibly can, but you’re late. Instead of rushing in, flustered, and saying, “I’m so sorry I’m late!” what would it feel like to say, “Whew, couple of households in a night. Good to be here! Thank you for your patience!” Or as noted in the above example about declining food, you set your limit, and then make direct eye contact and say, “Thank you for respecting that.” Sometimes it’s all in the tone, but words matter too.
BOOM. Whole new twist. Women seem to be the ones who apologize the most. Check out this article, and please feel free to share with me how it resonates ([email protected]). I would invite you to consider where you might apologize less and thank more. https://community.thejobnetwork.com/why-you-should-say-thank-you-instead-of-sorry-2/Here’s another boundary thought for the holidays (or any time!).
Say you’ve got some health goals. Yet here comes someone with yet another temptation that’s not part of your plan. Consider your own mindset, and how you deliver the message. When you say, “Oh thank you, but I can’t eat that,” you trigger someone’s I GOTTA RESCUE THIS POOR DEPRIVED PERSON!!!! reflex. 
HOWEVER…. consider the use of the word “don’t,” or a variation of it.
Instead of, “I can’t eat that,” try, “That looks delicious, thank you, but I’m not eating sugar this year.” They may still try to guilt you into taking some anyway, all in the name of rescuing you from your miserable life of no holiday treats. But when you have bought into your OWN mindset of it’s not can’t, it’s CHOOSING not to, you’re in a unique position to set a stronger boundary and have success with it.
Please note that when people are trying to lose weight, it’s very difficult (read: often impossible) to moderate the processed sugary, fatty, salty foods. For the best likelihood of success, they need to go away for a time. NOT FOREVER. Getting to a healthy weight and healthy blood sugar level doesn’t mean that a treat never crosses your lips again. That stuff is reserved for the maintenance phase, however. And even then, it’s infrequent, and eaten mindfully. A successful weight loss client commented the other day, “You can never go on autopilot.” If that idea seems daunting to you, you might benefit from a conversation with a health coach.
How can you be kind to yourself this year?
The world feels heavy and stressful to so many right now. You can set a boundary and say no. You can decline an invite. You can eat a healthy, complete meal before a party and report firmly that you’ve eaten already. You can leave early. You can step outside for some fresh air. You can bring a tray of carrots, celery, and dip. You can email me and ask for a few healthy, whole food recipes to bring to a party that people tend to love, and I’ll help you out, or you can check out what’s here: https://www.marksdailyapple.com/7-easy-primal-holiday-appetizers/. There are so many healthy and delicious recipes where people don’t even know they’re eating something with no inflammatory ingredients. And that’s the key. These recipes are made with no refined sugar, no refined flour, and no inflammatory oils (see the Sept. e-newsletter here for more info on the oils: https://janetfrankcoaching.com/september-enews-healthy-oils-more/).
New Year’s Resolutions typically fail because people are setting goals about what they think they SHOULD be doing, rather than what’s deeply important to them, and they go in without a realistic plan for success. This is the specific expertise of health coaches – HOW people change. Please remember that consultations are free.
Research shows that we don’t always gain that much over the holidays, but what we do gain, we never take off, so that 3 pounds a year becomes 30 pounds in a decade. But swearing you’re going to lose weight every year without really understanding your own unique history, circumstances, and challenges typically results in failure and misery and giving up. If this sounds like you, or if you feel like food and cravings run your life, or you’re sick of the up and down yo-yo dieting and fear that you’ll be hungry forever, please check out Understanding and Exploring Food Addiction: https://janetfrankcoaching.com/group-coaching/
You can still register for the FREE informational meet and greet on Tues. Dec. 19, and if you can’t make that, check the calendar, as there are two more in January (
https://calendly.com/janetfrankcoaching/group-coaching-meet-greet?month=2023-12). The group will be every Tuesday in Feb. and March 2024 from 11:30 AM to 1 PM. Gift yourself the freedom from the cycle of shame and overeating. The group is limited to 6 people so we have time for discussion and supporting each other.
It’s the holidays. I’ll stop here. You have parties to attend! Thank you for reading; thank you for sharing, and I hope to meet you soon. Happy Holidays!
To your good health,
Janet
Janet Frank, Ph.D., A-CFHC, NBC-HWC, PFAC
National Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach
ADAPT Certified Functional Health Coach
Certified Professional Food Addiction Coach
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